Fathering in Bataknese Family: Resoluteness and Overbearing
I watched a Batak movie called “Ngeri-ngeri Sedap” or Missing Home on Netflix two days ago. Let’s set aside the fact that I couldn’t entirely agree with most reviewers claiming this movie was THAT GOOD. The relatable experience of having a parent like Bapak Domu, which I will discuss here, might well be one factor in this movie’s popularity.
One common perception of Bataknese people when outsiders encounter them is that they are tough and assertive. And that’s right. If you disagree and identify yourself as Bataknese, you’re probably just pretending (kidding, you might not be 100% Bataknese).
Your father will be the same as Bapak Domu, even you were born and raised in a wealthy urban Batak household outside of Sumatra; likes to rule even if he only makes the bare minimum-making money.
Let’s break into where this attitude came from.
One of the powerful patrilineal tribes, Batak, still maintains many of its traditions. One of the most prominent patrilineal outcomes is that girls will be “sold” when they get married and will not receive a single rupiah in inheritance.
Bapak Domu is portrayed as the head of the family in the movie Missing Home, which is not unusual in Indonesia despite the family’s ethnicity. Furthermore, he is an obstinate old man who feels his pride is on the line and will not accept failures or mistakes.
This reminds me of the suicide case, or “murder,” in my terminology, in Burari 2018. If it wasn’t because of the father, the family would still be alive.
It must be admitted many Bataknese men find it difficult to express their feelings. For 24 years of my life, I have never seen my father cry once, not even at my grandfather’s funeral. This also applies in my neighborhood; I have never seen Batak’s fathers cry.
They never give advice and are never a listener in the family. But if one crucial thing is deemed untrue, they immediately raise their voices and fight it out for no reason.
Even though as the only daughter (which people say is the father’s soul mate, especially in a Bataknese family), I broke off the “father-daughter” relationship after leaving for college. I never contacted him during that time and didn’t know anything about his daily life. I assumed so did my brothers.
When I returned home, we never talked other than yelling at each other about how he always felt the most thoughtful and knowledgeable of everything in this world. I bet he must know and be sure who the next President will be. Batak people like to discuss sociopolitics, making them look more intelligent and recognized by the community.
Batak fathers are High Sparrows, except the Batak fathers are not religious and have never set foot in a church.
They are hard to love.
They get satisfied quickly.
They are the most demanding.
